Happy snowy day to you! As a teacher, one of the greatest blessings in life is the snow day. Even though it centers around my arch nemesis, winter, it brings a day of freedom and catching up on things that are desperately piling up. This is our second day off this week and, even though I am fighting a cold, I have felt a slight release of my stress level. I truly think I would function 100 times better if I had a four day work week. The weekend would have one day for rest and catching up with family and friends, one day for work and homework, and one day for household chores. Maybe someday it will happen!
Many people know that I have a love of food. I am truly one of the least pickiest eaters in the US. I have certain preferences, but most of the time I will eat anything and everything in-front of me. People ask me what my favorite food is and I don’t have an answer because I like everything! Whether it be fruits, veggies, meat, bread, ethnic foods, cheap or expensive, etc., it is all good and I will eat it! You would think that I would be this fantastic cook and baker because of my obsession with food, but the truth is I am not. I really have very little experience in the kitchen, except when it comes to eating. I try to dabble here and there with new recipes, but most of the time I go to something prepared or super easy. I tell myself it is because of my lack of time, money, and knowledge, but really it is because I just want to shove food in my mouth as soon as possible.
I have always had a healthy appetite. Even when I was a little girl I remember having eating contests with my uncles, who happen to be over 6′ and very athletic. I may be a size small, but boy I can cram a lot of calories into my slight figure. Everyone says that I am “skinny”, but the truth of the matter is that I have a small bone structure and was lucky that as a youth I was slender. I am paying for my lifetime of overindulging with every pound that is added on the scale as I get older. Just because someone isn’t huge, doesn’t make them skinny either. I am not disgusted with my figure, as I do try to workout on a regular basis, but I do know there is a tremendous amount more that I can be doing for my health.
Example: I am the girl who loves when there is a birthday or celebration at work because free food is like receiving a gold medal. Ashamedly, I am the coworker who doesn’t just come in once or twice for a quick snack, but will literally fill up plates four plus times between classes and will clean out the remaining tubs or sacks of treats. I know the polite thing to do is have a quick bite once and be on my merry way, but there is always something that draws me back many times to gorge myself on the “free” food. Maybe it is because I am cheap or still in the college mode, but I cannot help but come back again and again. As I am very grateful for my colleagues’ generosity, I secretly hate the temptation.
I am the poster child for saying no to the things that I don’t need in my life. I don’t drink alcohol, coffee, or pop. I don’t smoke and have never tried drugs. I don’t swear or take the Lord’s name in vain. I am saving myself for marriage and plan on only dating my future hubby. I am great on saying no to just about everything…except food. When it comes to food, I might as well have a sign around my neck that says “she’s a pig”. If I can say no to something and completely live my life happy without it, then I have no problem giving it up. But, when it comes to moderation, I literally have no control. One innocent chip turns into a bag of chips..then a sack of carrots…two popsicles…and half a box of vanilla wafers. Trust me, it has happened.
Lately, I have been wondering why I have no control over my “passion” for food. I am a Jesus loving young adult who should be able to abstain from any desire that hinders my relationship with Christ. Am I just not loving Him enough? Am I not praying enough? I know the verses…”Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. -Philippians 3:19″ “Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags. -Proverbs 23:20-21” “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. -1 Corinthians 6:19-20” I know that my actions are not pleasing to God…so why do I still reach for another slice of pizza? My mom has really tried to help me see when I need to stop eating, but she is completely ineffective when she tells me to stop eating. In fact, most of the time it fuels me on more.
Lately, I have been doing some research on overeating. Am I really just a big baby, unable to control myself? Do I have a medical condition that causes me to overeat? I have not contacted a physician or a pastor about my sin, but I am really at a point where I think I should. Some people think that I must not like healthy foods or that I don’t know what a correct portion size looks like. But, truthfully, I love healthy food, I know how to prepare it, and I know how much and when I should be eating; I just don’t follow the guidelines. Especially for a straitlaced rule-follower like myself, I am starting to become unglued by my choices. Satan has really found my weakness and has made himself a spot in my everyday feasting habits. It disgusts me.
The signs of Binge Eating Disorder are:
- Frequent episodes of consuming very large amounts of food but without behaviors to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting.
- A feeling of being out of control during the binge eating episodes.
- Feelings of strong shame or guilt regarding the binge eating.
- Indications that the binge eating is out of control, such as eating when not hungry, eating to the point of discomfort, or eating alone because of shame about the behavior.
The signs of Compulsive Overeating Disorder are:
- Hiding food
- Binge eating
- Eating when full
- Eating in private due to embarrassment or shame
- Fixation with body weight, shape or size
- Eating more rapidly than normal
- Habitual dieting
- Rapid fluctuations in weight
So, what does that mean? Am I actually “sick” or do I need to just pull on my cowboy boots, suck it up, and get over it? I’m sure every overweight or skinny-fat person deals with these problems. I need to find a way to combat my issues and get rid of the foot-hold the devil has on this sin.
Stress I think is one of my biggest triggers. I don’t have control over my ever increasing amount of work and homework to do, plus I feel completely inadequate at my job; therefore, I think I eat partly to relieve some of my stress and anxiety. Even though after I do eat to relieve stress I feel tremendously guilty afterward and that just gets me eating more to make my feelings go away. Obviously, that is a vicious cycle. Ugh…I hate complaining.
(Alright, quick switch because I am tired of ranting and need to start doing my homework) On a brighter note:
Last summer I bought myself a Fitbit Flex and I have just now started to use it. Frankly, I love the thing! It tracks my steps and my sleep patterns, plus I go online to their website and log all of my food. It is really a fantastic tool for getting healthy, as long as you actually use it. Hopefully this, along with lots of prayer, will be the stepping stone to finding peace with my gluttony issues.
Thanks for hearing me vent! Have a fantastic and safe winter day!